No man is an Island, entire of it self; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main.
John Donne
I was speaking with a friend last night via text, who I had not spoken to in a long time, and we were generally catching up, however when I asked how things were, the first thing he jumped to was that he got a new job. I was super proud of him, of course, however it made me think about our identity as people.
When someone asks us that dreaded generic question of “tell me about yourself”, how often do we jump to our jobs, or where we live, as a means of defining who we are? 90% of the conversations I have heard where someone asks “tell me about yourself”, the automatic response is the above, regardless of the environment we are in. This may seem like I am pointing out of the obvious, but the question I have is, why? Why are our jobs our go to identity position? And why do we never focus on the people and passions which make us instead?
One potential answer to this is that we are protective of the personal side of ourselves, we are protective of what people may read into how we present the important people in our lives, or our passions and hobbies, more so than what they would read into our jobs, and what our jobs reveal about us. Displaying the important people or passions in our lives is potentially displaying emotion or vulnerability, and we don’t like to be vulnerable, especially to those people we are just meeting for the first time or those people we wish to see us as purely professional. We have an element of group think, in that if no one else is showing their vulnerability, then why should we? Why should we give a bit more away than the next person. It is like an emotional game of life-chicken, no one truly revealing who they are.
I find this quite sad though. Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% guilty of jumping on the job focused bandwagon as well when I answer, but what harm does letting a little vulnerability in do? I am starting to reflect on what I would say if I took my job identity away and was asked the same question. “Tell me about yourself…”
Well, I am Sarah, I have a lovely fiancé, Scott, I have 3 sisters, two older and one 17 years younger. both my parents are northern Irish, and due to Covid I haven’t been over to see my grandparents in Northern Ireland for the whole year. I love musical theatre, gardening and art, and I have a very fluffy hamster, called Doughnut. Thats me. What do you read into that?
When I read that back, what do I see? I see a human. I see a person with connections, with people, with passions. I see a bit of sadness and frustration. I see distractions and activity. I see a life, a life that is full and happy, but real. I see room for improvement. I see love.
The most used hashtag on instagram is apparently #Love and yet the most used on LinkedIn is #Innovation. In a social media environment I understand this to an extent, as you put out to your network the image you want in that environment. On LinkedIn, you want to display a professionalism, a value given, your goals and successes. However, maybe we should be less afraid of displaying that #Love side of us, in our reality. Maybe we should remove the filter of perfection, and start displaying what makes us tick, what keeps us going, maybe we should start displaying our emotions, our community, our people and our passion, not just to our friends, but maybe even to our colleagues as well. If we all displayed this, think of the potential for real connection we could have. Think of the potential of removing the polished filter in your life.
We all have things we love, whether that is people, a passion, an event, a hobby, and we have all been loved, whether that is the love of a friend, a parent, a grandparent, a lover, a neighbour. In these times, when we are isolating or in lockdown, it can be a time when we feel most lonely, most disconnected from reality, when we feel like all we have are our jobs to focus on, because there is nothing else going on in the world. But actually, I believe that more than ever, we are demonstrating that “no man is an island”, and even in your little bubble, human connection, and love is what really defines us. Through sharing our passions with the people around us, we share a bit of our soul, we share what gets us through the day, and what we choose to focus on. We share anecdotes of joy, of fun, of a freedom to be ourselves. We embrace our differences, our opinions, our flow, without being consumed by just the drama or gossip that normally comes from the activity of normal life. We find out who we can really connect with on the basis human level, who we can really talk to, and enjoy, and who we want to make that effort of connecting with. And through understanding these things, we can break down the barriers of who we think we should be, and instead embrace who we actually are.
Imagine if we did this in a work environment, imagine if you did a job that you wanted to do because you were truly passionate about it, and it encompassed those personal elements that make you you. Imagine if you worked with people you really connected with, and you understood each other and how your differences bring power and purpose to the roles you are doing, how you challenge each other and encourage each other to thrive. Imagine having that passion with the people you surround yourself with, not just personally, but professionally. They say “you will never work a day in your life, if you do a job you love”, and I think this is so powerful. Just like life, you may not enjoy every aspect of every minute of a job, but if we can find people to connect with, and passions to share, then how much happier and connected we could be, and what potential could that bring…?
So next time someone asks you “tell me about yourself”, what are you going to say? Because we are all people, we all have likes and dislikes, we all have successes and challenges, and we all have people and passions in our lives that make us us. And those people and passions are the things that really define who we are, who we have been and who we could be.
Sunflower Coaching 