Author: Sunflower Coaching

Self-Indulgence Vs. Self-Investment

Sunflower Coaching

Since starting coaching, I have heard various people say things like, coaching is self-indulgent, it is nasal-gazing, and even it is vain…

In life, we move at high speed all the time, and rarely take the time to sit and reflect on what we have learnt or taken from an individual experience or interaction. Why is this? Because we are too busy? Because it is unnecessary? I would argue that we are never too busy to reflect on life, and that reflection is so much more useful to us that we actually realise.

Think of about how we learn…

Studies have shown that at the end of every learning session, formal or informal, if we take the time to reflect and summarise what we have learnt in that session, our learnings are more likely to stay with us for longer. If you take this one step further, you could even look at the work pioneered by David Kolb, around the “Experiential Learning Cycle”, which reflects the way adults learn. Kolb found that there are 4 steps to lasting learning, and although we may naturally prefer one of the steps, in order for a learning to remain with us, we must ensure the whole cycle is completed. Those steps are, “Experiencing” the situation, “Processing” by observing the reacting or observing what has happened, “Generalising” through understanding the truths of that experience vs your previous experience or others experiences, and finally “Applying” your new understanding from these observed trends to new experiences, modifying old behaviours or practicing new skills.

So, what does this have to do with coaching being self-indulgent? Well, I see self-indulgence as something that feels good, but is not necessarily good for you. Self-indulgence is “excessive or unrestrained gratification of one’s own appetites, desires, or whims”. Self-Indulgence is staring in a mirror too long, eating one two many pieces of chocolate cake, talking about yourself all the time, and never asking how others are. Self-indulgence is vanity, selfishness, and potentially even a lack of awareness. That is not coaching.

In order for coaching to be successful, yes we must look at ourselves, and take the time to understand ourselves, but that is not easy, and it is definitely not self-indulgent. It is instead, self-investment. It is about taking the learning cycle, and applying it to not just the technical or practical skills we learn, but instead using that cycle to understand how we can develop and improve as a person in order to meet our goals, and fulfil our values. Self-investment is a positive step to improve who you are and how you live your life. Think of your home, your kitchen may be functional, but is it meeting its full potential? Can you use that space better? If you understand the limitations of that space, and the requirements of your family, are you able to create something more valuable for you and those around you? Yes you can, and how do you do this? Self-investment. Understanding the space, your resources, your limitations, your needs for your kitchen, are the same as understanding your own personal values, your own goals, creating your own action plan to develop and grow, and self-investment in yourself can be achieved through coaching.

Self-investment is not vain, it is not nasal gazing, and it is definitely not self-indulgent. Self-investment through coaching is necessary for all of us, to help understand our full potential and how we really make the most of this life we have been given. So make time for you, because you are never too busy to improve, and invest a little in yourself.

You cannot “complete” wellness…

Sunflower Coaching

When I look at those around me who speak about wellbeing, positive living, mindfulness etc. It can sometimes feel overwhelming or frustrating that I am not doing more in that moment. And that can lead to feelings of guilt or anger at my life my situation. They sometimes look like they have wellness and positive living down perfectly, and that can lead to judgement in myself on why I am not better at this, or living a more well life.

Over the past few years I have learnt however that putting yourself and your mind or body first does not always lead to immediate results, but you are still taking a positive step, that others may not be able to see yet. You can also start telling yourself “yes, I will do that meditation”, but then not get round it it immediately. This does not mean you have failed yourself, This does not mean you have let anybody down, and this does not mean you are not well because of this. Saying Yes does not need to be immediate. Instead, recognise that you have taken such a positive first step in saying committing to that activity, and that is a move forward, and a move towards yourself.

Wellbeing can never be completed. Imagine it this way, each time you take a step towards yourself, whether that is making a list of goals, finding time for something that calms you, or committing to a exercise class, each of those things are progress, they take you to a higher level of wellness, like in the video game of life. You are finding your way through the maze, the struggles, the challenges that life throws at us, and you may find some things more difficult to overcome or to achieve than others, but you will keep going and you will get through, in your way. The difference in this video game though, is that with each level you grow, but there is no final level. You cannot “complete” wellness in the same way you can “complete” other games, because this is an ongoing personal journey for you. A journey that will last a lifetime, and help your grow and thrive throughout.

So, next time you look at those instagrammers or those people around you who look like they have everything perfectly together, try to not project what your perceive as their perfection into your frustrations, because you do not know where they are on the game of life, or where they started from, and they do not know where you are. Instead, look within yourself and ask yourself, how can I say yes to something today, to help myself move positively forward tomorrow…

Every Day is a School Day…

Sunflower Coaching

The old saying, “everyday is a school day’, how often have you said this to someone as a joke or to show off that random bit of trivia you know. Have you ever stopped to really think about what it means?

When we are at school, we are continuously learning in an active environment, we are being tested, marked, quizzed, evaluated, all the time seeking to improve and grow our knowledge, ready to pass that test or final exam. However when we leave school or university or college, and get a job suddenly learning takes a backseat. Instead we are encouraged to push ourselves my making new connections, my improving our sales technique, or my completing that big project. But how do we reach those goals? Well by ongoing learning, of course. It may no longer be in a formal environment, but you are still absorbing information and using it to perform at a higher standard, in that aspect of life.

So, that is fine at work, but what about in the other aspects of your life? When was the last time you reflected on how much you had grown as a person in the past year, 6months, or even week? 2020 has not been easy, but it has also been a year of huge personal growth, where we have adapted to spending more time with our families, and less with our friends. A year where we have learnt how to work from home, how to find joy in clapping for carers or baking banana bread, as opposed to a big birthday party or an epic holiday. 2020 has been a year which as tested us all, and how have we prepared for that test? Well, by learning of course! We have learnt how to survive, and how to thrive. We have learnt what is important to us. We have learnt what is important to our children, our partners and our loved ones near and far. And we have learnt what it is to come together as a community even when we are physically further apart than ever. But what does that learning really mean, what are the individual things we have learnt to reach that overall learning outcome? Well that depends on you.

Everyday is a school day, and this year has been the hardest school year ever. But you have made it through, and you have grown as a person, whether that is through big learnings or small. So, take some time today to reflect on what you have learnt, and the development progress you have made, and then give yourself a gold star, because you have succeeded in one of the biggest tests of life.

New Year, Same You.

Sunflower Coaching

Happy New Year! New Year brings with it a sense of hope, joy, freshness, and excitement. Celebrated all over the world, it is a time where people look forward, whilst also reflecting on the past, and through this marking of time, people are united by the future.

However, New Year can also be a time when people make big promises to themselves, and to others. How many people have asked you, “whats your resolution for 2021?”, or have said to themselves, “this is the year I lose weight/go to the gym/drink less/eat more broccoli” (insert new year stereotype here…). Within themselves, New Years resolutions are not a bad thing, they give up an opportunity too reflect on what we want from the future, and what our goals or hopes are. However, what is key to the success of a resolution is that is it realistic. Yes is it a new year, but it is still the same you, and that is ok!

As with all goals it is so important to ensure that they are realistic and achievable. Think of it this way… If you do not like broccoli, don’t promise yourself you are going to eat more of it, as you are instantly setting yourself up to fail. This logic should be followed with all resolutions and goals, for example a great resolution is of course to get healthier, whether that is eating more veg or doing more exercise. But make it applicable to you, rather than to who you think you are or who you want the world to think you are. If you hate the gym, don’t promise you are going to go five days a week, because you just won’t, and that will lead to feelings of failure or guilt. Instead work your way up to a goal in a way that is more suitable to you, such as I will go for a walk with my friends 5 days a week, and ensure you walk over 10,000 steps a day. If you have gone from sitting around all Christmas doing nothing, then this is a more achievable goal to meet, and you can then progress this to maybe making one of those walks a run, or a bike ride, meaning you are meeting your goals but through baby steps.

The key here is to recognise who you are. Everyone is different and it is in those differences we find our sense of self, and that is beautiful. In the words of Dr Seuss, “There is no one youer than you.” So whatever your goals are for this year, or for this week, make sure they are YOUR goals, designed for what YOU what and what YOU can do. And remember, not achieving something today, does not stop you from trying to achieve it tomorrow.

Happy new year to YOU!

Why Coaching?

Sunflower Coaching

 

Why coaching? For me, its personal. My name is Sarah, and I live in London with my fiancé, and adorable, very elderly hamster, Biscuit. Between my highly respected job at a multi national organisation, living in London surrounded by friends, and my beautiful flat I bought back in 2015, the image I projected was one of success, happiness, togetherness. I was the one who always had things together, always making plans, always trying to make people laugh or smile…

However, towards the end of 2019, that carefully curated image of success and strength started to fall apart. After a prolonged period of upset and increasing stress caused by an aggressive work colleague, I fell apart, and by December I had had a mental breakdown. It took a very long time for me to not only accept that this was the case, but to also accept that I needed help, and over the next few months whilst I was signed off work, I tried to recover and find a way back to who I was. I was lucky enough to have great people around me supporting me, both in a medical capacity, and also my wonderful friends and family, and I shall be forever grateful to them for not giving up on me, and teaching me to not give up on myself.

So I found the old me again, right? No. What I actually learnt in that time is that rather than going back, the best thing to do is to move forward, to learn, to grow, to take those negative experiences and question who I was, and what really would make me happy. What goals was I striving for, for me? And what goals was I striving for to make others happy? And by doing that, I discovered my true passion in coaching and in helping others, and through this, helping them to also grow and achieve their potential, and find what makes them happy.

2020 has been a challenging year for everyone, however I believe in the future, and making the choices in your future that work for you. Never stop challenging, questioning and growing, because through growth and change we see progress. Bring on 2021, and let’s start this adventure together!